i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
