Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
