Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
