What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
