Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
