goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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