Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
