"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i out mim tonsoeep
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