Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
