I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
