i just wanna soil my oats bro
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if only i could text you this smell
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
