I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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