Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
