I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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