I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
