My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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