he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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