I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
