i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
