I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
