Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
