Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
