ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize