we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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