If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
