how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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