Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
