I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
