I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
