never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
