I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize