i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
