I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize