I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
