It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
