Duck Duck Cougar?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
