We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
