Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize