He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
we're so committed to being not committed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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