There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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