Im at strip club and am horny
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
