Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
