I murdered the dance floor call the cops
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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