my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
