It was confusing and full of hummus
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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