oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
