I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
