What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I want to make a zoo with you.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
