you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
