im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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