the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
