similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am naked and annoyed.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize