I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
