ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
