at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
