You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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