I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
