i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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