can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
