Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
