at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
