the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
