then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
