my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
40s are totally the cure
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
