Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
