Only a mothe r could love this liver
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
