At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
