i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
