rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize