And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
