do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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