I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
