a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
