Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
