we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
