oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
