Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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