I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
