marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
