i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
