There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
