I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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