That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
