I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
