girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
