I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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