So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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