You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
