i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
