Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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